Last Friday the male human began packing things like leads (we use these for guiding humans when we take them for a walk), dog food, biscuits and the odd item that I like to sleep with or chew on (I like the things that squeak mainly because they really irritate the humans who live with us – question – why do they buy them in the first place then.)
This is normally a very good sign (beaches, hills and long walks normally follow) and we were invited to jump into the back of the ‘Panza Mobile’ – you might recall that I have a car named after me. So, into the car we jumped and off we went.
We arrived after quite a short journey and were invited to jump out and then, then…………Stalag Doggy No 1.
Well we immediately ran in 4 different directions, that fooled them for a short while but sometimes these humans can be quite cleaver and they used the leads that we walk them with to guide us into our cells. I did a really good impression of a donkey by sitting down on the concrete floor and refused to move (shifting a 30 kg Labrador who is determined not to be moved is quite tricky!)
My Granny managed to sneak past the guards using her ‘low slung’ technique (this works really well when sneaking back into the dining room), sadly the guards had this covered and she was caught at the Guard Room.
So there you have it – in jail and innocent of any crime. I shared my cell with my Mum, Aunty Honey and Granny were placed next door. However, we weren’t prepared to take this lying down and I immediately formed the Escape Committee.
Being the only bloke, I insisted on being in-charge but was quickly informed that as the only male present my job was digging (which, to be honest, I’m quite good at). We had plans for tunnels which we named Bone, Chew and Stick – this all came to naught when we discovered all the floors were made of concrete. Having lost this option, we decided to use the allocated exercise period and try and dig down past the fence – however, Stalag Doggy No 1 has all kind of detection devices so our attempts to disguise our digging underneath the Wooden Horse we were jumping over came to naught.
Our thoughts of escape were therefore dashed, so back to our cells. I had my harmonica so was able to play the Jail House Doggy Blues and Rosie, my Mum, is the best howler I know. I also had my ball so throwing it against the wall seemed the order of the day, I really must ask for a baseball glove!
And then, and then - our human Mum came and released us from prison. We had a lot to tell her and she seemed really interested in all that we had been up to. It seemed ages since we’d been incarcerated but it turns out it was all of 3 nights, still she seemed very guilty about putting us in prison and gave us lots of doggy biscuits to try make up for sending us away – it worked, but being Labradors we really are not that difficult to please!